June was a rough month last year. Sam's six month mark, Father's Day and our 8th anniversary hit one Sunday after another. It's funny how grief works, but those significant days somehow are different than other days. It will be 18 months since Sam's death next week. I keep thinking how he hasn't even been gone as long as a mormon mission! There's a lot I've learned in the last 18 months.
--I've adopted the phrase, "make it 'till you fake it" and most of the time it works!
--Kids are resilient. I think Emmet and Emery are the happiest they've been. What a relief it is to see them enjoy their childhood.
--Everyone grieves so differently. I think we all go through the stages in different orders. I've really had to learn that it's okay for those I love around me to grieve differently than me. It doesn't mean they don't miss Sam!!
--You can't go around, under or over grief, you must go through it head on. It's the only way it will not consume you.
-- Writing my feelings down in a journal and blogging is therapeutic. I've never had a gift with words, but that hasn't stopped me and I always feel better when I've written in my journal.
--I have so much to be thankful for.
--I've learned I'm much stronger and capable than I've ever given myself credit.
There's a lot I thought would get easier and hasn't.
--Asking for help. I'm still awful at it, I'm not sure why I am. It's still a puzzle to me.
--Emmet's sweet prayers asking for his dad to come home. That hasn't gotten any easier for me to hear.
--I thought Emery wouldn't talk about her dad, but she does all the time. She's even thrown a few fits screaming for "daddy". --Sleeping by myself, but usually one of the two kids end up in my bed by morning. So, they keep me company.
--Not being able to share the cute things the kids do with Sam.
--Lastly, I really had no idea that still my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night would be of Sam.
So, my point is to enjoy every moment you can with your husband!! They may drive you nuts, but you'd miss them, I promise!!
13 comments:
Beautiful thoughts, Kira. Thank you for sharing your newly gained wisdom and confidence. We have a sister here who has taught me to "smile through the tears". That sounds like what you are doing as well. The Lord will continue to bless you - you are an amazing woman.
Love to you!
You are truly amazing. Your words are inspirational. Thank you for sharing.
You DO have a way with words Kira. You touch lives through your words and experiences. Thank you.
you two are a beautiful couple. I love what deon said, Smile through the tears. You are amazing and so strong. Sam is lucky to have you as his eternal companion. My heart breaks for you Kira. I am grateful for my husband! The same goes for kids, they may drive you nuts sometimes, but you would miss them if they were gone. Thanks for the reminder! Love ya
Thank you for the reminder and Thank you for being honest and candid...you are an amazing, strong example to me!
i'm glad that some things have become easier for you these past 18 months. i wish it all had, but you're doing an amazing job regardless.
oh yeah, and you and your way with words had me crying at the computer, so there will be no more talk of you not having a way with them...
I loved this post Kira! I also love that picture on our good old Centennial couches. It is great of you and Sam. You are amazing!
White shirt and tie with a ball cap was always a good look for Sam :) Cute picture!
I have always been so impressed by your faith. there is a strength about you. I know that you must have your moments but every time I talk with you I can tell that you really believe in Christ and the plan of our Heavenly Father. We all say that we believe these things but when put to the test it is really hard to continue having faith. You are an inspiration to those around you and I pray that I can be as faithful as you.
Thanks for sharing. I miss you! If you ever get the urge to come visit back east, we'd love to have you!
you're right Kira, we do need to appreciate what we have, because we never know when we will lose it. I'm done vacationing and Brant's in school, so free up some time, I'll give you a call!
Such a great post, Kira! Look how far you've come. I appreciate the advice to cherish my husband. I admire your strength and honesty.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. They are such a great reminder of what is important. You are an amazing woman and I am so glad that I know you!!
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