Flag Football

Emmet just finished up his first season of flag football. He really enjoyed playing. My parents came into town and came to his last game. Emmet let my parents know, "I'm not really that good." But at least he got out there and did it!!

Three Years-Look How Far We've Come

Last night I was reading an article entitled "Children must learn about death". There was a quote by Arthur Henry King that really struck me.

"Without death we should not fully understand

how much we love those who go...It

intensifies our love as nothing else can do."

I believe it would have struck me no matter what time of year it was, but because tomorrow is the three year anniversary of Sam's death I have really reflected on that statement. I obviously have always loved Sam or we wouldn't have gotten married. And throughout our marriage my ability to love him increased with each year and with each child. But with his passing it is hard to explain, but the love and admiration I do feel for him has intensified. I just never have been able to put it to words until I read that quote. The longer he is gone, the more I love him. Sounds weird, but I begin to realize all the great and small things he did for me. I realize how much I took for granted. It is such a blessing to have a husband, who even if he drives you crazy, to share your life with, to share in the ups and downs, to bounce ideas off with, to laugh together about your crazy children, to talk about the gospel with and to validate your feelings. So with each passing day my love and gratitude for Sam increases, helping the ache gets less sever. My hope is one day (sooner than later) when I think of Sam (which is more times than I can count in a day) I will feel only an intense love for him, not a combination of sadness, heartache, loss, and grief. I am told it will come, but to be patient! The quote continues to say,

"And how many of us realize that it may

intensify our love, not only at the moment

it comes, but all our life, if we remember

when we are with people that we may not,

after all, be always with them?"

How true this is! I look at my children, family and friends so differently. I really do try to cherish the moments I have with them, because life is so unpredictable!

One of my favorite songs, especially to exercise to is by Matchbox Twenty, How Far We've Come. When I look back I'm amazed at what I've been able to accomplish. The first year is a total blur. I must have been a zombie and don't remember how I even functioned. Emery was 1 and Emmet was 3! The second year I was coming out of the fog, but was much harder than the first year because I was coming out of the fog. Thank goodness for a great counselor. I had never been to counseling, but I loved it! I looked forward to it. I would come home exhausted, but each time I talked about Sam and his death the whole lessened. I found and still do that talking about Sam's death always strengthens me. This third year has been the best so far. I was able to find a few activities I enjoyed. What really has made all the difference in my little family is Emmet is happy. He's truly happy. I wasn't ever sure if he would be. He loves kindergarten. It fulfills his needs of socialization and feeling smart! Emery is happy and always has been. She talks about her dad often and jokes with me that he's going to show up at our house soon and then says, "just kidding, I know he's dead." They are becoming my best friends thankfully. We have so much fun together and I know as they grow-up we will enjoy each other even more.

This next year comes with more change. Emery will start kindergarten, an event I am already fearing. It's all day and though most moms cherish the quiet time, I don't. But if there's one lesson I've learned, but have to keep reminding myself is, life can change quickly. So...I will worry about that when its time!

I am continually thankful that Sam listened to the promptings of the Spirit throughout our marriage, making great choices that now allow me to stay home with Emmet and Emery. What a gift.

All I Want For Christmas...

is my two front teeth!!

He lost them both this week. He obviously wasn't excited about me taking the picture. It was hard to find the right angle because his lips were covering up the area. He lost one with the help of a cousin. He claims he was punched, I'm not sure I believe it! The other he lost at the park. Bother were quite bloody. I think he's a little ahead of schedule, but who knows. I'm just excited he gets to sing the song for our family Christmas Eve program.

So Much To Be Thankful For.....

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays I don't normally look forward to. Especially since it was the last holiday we spent with Sam. I'm not a huge fan of turkey either. But I actually loved Thanksgiving. It was a fun low key day. Emmet played football with my uncle and cousins. He loved it! Last year he got bored after 15 minutes. This year he didn't want to quit. He's starting to get the hang of the game! We still need to work on catching. Emmet played football in a huge yard with dogs, cats, chickens, a guinee pig, slide, swing set, and two playhouses. Emery once she got comfortable with all of the kids had a great time playing while Emmet was doing his "guy" stuff. Or as he would say, "I"m a man yo!"

It was a gorgeous day! My parents flew in from Chicago. I loved having them both here. The TV was never turned on and my mom made a great Turkey dinner. My dad had bought an electrical thermometer so we new exactly when the turkey was done. So it was actually quite moist. Emmet found my old game, Stretego. I use to play it when I was younger and Emmet played it all day. Anyone who walked through the door he would convince to play him. The great part was Emmet never won that day and didn't even get upset. He kept on playing. That really shows how much he's grown-up.

My aunt and her family also were in town and over the weekend we hiked A Mountain. It's the mountain (or hill) right next to the ASU stadium. It's the perfect hike for little people. It was another gorgeous clear warm day. We were all in shorts, not too hot and not too cold. You've got to love AZ this time of year. I never knew Emmet was such a worrier. He was concerned the entire time that we might step on a cactus or fall. Poor guy, while Emery was a little dare devil. She raced to the top and actually ran down to the bottom. Beating us all!




I am so thankful for beautiful healthy children. They bring me the most joy and happiness. I truly don't know what I would do without them. They definitely give me purpose and how thankful I am for that! Their excitement is contagious and encourages me to move forward with hope!

Primary Program

Today was our primary program. It was Emery's first program and with her tract record I had no expectations. Well, I was shocked at both of my children's participation. They both went up on the stand without hesitation. In fact Emery was reciting her part to me over and over just before she went up to make sure she had it memorized. I had a perfect view of both of them. They sang their hearts out. Emmet stood like a little soldier and I could pick his voice out. At times I could even hear Emery. I got teary eyed when Emery stood up and recited her part perfectly they were her own words, "I'm thankful for my family because they help me say my prayers." She said it loud and clear. Emmet had a little trouble remembering, "I know my Heavenly Father loves me because he protects my family and I love him." I was so proud of them. I said a little prayer hoping Sam was able to share in that moment with me. I know he would have been just as proud and amazed.

Halloween

In the past I have dreaded this holiday, for a number of reasons. Mainly, their dad isn't here to join in the fun. Sam always made Halloween fun, because I'm not much for dressing up. My point isn't to dwell on that, but that I made a decision to use the power of a positive attitude and see if I could turn this holiday around. I didn't want to be the Halloween Scrooge anymore. I am happy to report that it worked!! For the first time EVER I had a great time at my ward's trunk-or-treat. My kids absolutely loved it. Emery was hesitant at first, but once she realized she actually didn't have to say trick-or-treat she caught the spirit. We spent Halloween day at their Nanny and Papa Hawkins' home. We had a great party with their cousins and they LOVED trick-or-treating with them. They even got to go on the golf cart. I went home Halloween night so proud of myself that we were able to have such a great time. I should probably try this positive attitude thing again!!


Emmet was having too much fun to hold still long enough for pictures.

Halloween Fun