10th Anniversary

June 24th would have been my 10th Anniversary. I worked hard to make sure it would be a great day, but it turned out it was the opposite!! I simple had a bad day. Which was the opposite of my actual wedding. I absolutely loved every minute of my wedding day. I have always felt that way even before Sam's death. It was perfect, simple and elegant. I even loved standing in line for almost three hours at our reception.
I stumbled upon a quote this week that I simply love and after such a horrible emotional day I believe this quote is becoming my motto. It was written by an American author Thorton Wilder, "The highest tribute to the dead is not grief, but gratitude." I am grateful to have had the opportunity to marry a man who I loved and he loved me equally back and I am thankful to have two beautiful children to raise as his legacy!

Thursday June 17, 1999

What a momentous day this was 10 years ago. I was able to enter the Mesa Temple through the revolving doors for the first time! Sam and I drove together, but not before he gave me a beautiful picture of Christ and white roses. I remember being so surprised by the thoughtful gift. Later in our marriage I learned that the gift of that picture meant more to him than giving me my wedding ring! So that picture has a prized spot in my home. I love looking at it. It was a momentous day in the temple. An Arizona monsoon came through the valley knocking the power out. The back-up generators weren't working for the first time ever. After a significant amount of time the power was restored, but the air conditioning was not. You really can't survive without AC in the summertime here. Eventually we were able to find a room with air conditioning and begin our session. I don't remember much of the ins and outs of that day, but I do remember the sweet feelings I had and how important that day was to Sam and I both.

New Song

Since January Emmet and I have been attending New Song. It is a program for grieving children and their families. Emery isn't old enough to attend yet so she usually hangs out with my brother and his wife for the evening and has a great time. I wasn't sure what to think of the program when I first attended, but I've come to look forward to going as much as Emmet does. Emmet is with a group of 5-8 year old kids whose mom or dad have died. Going has made Emmet realize he's not the only one who has lost a parent. While Emmet is in his group doing different activities related to grief, I am with a group of widows and widowers. I am the youngest by about 10 years, but it's been great talking to others in very similar situations. We discuss how to handle being single parents.

Tonight was a little different. I haven't ever thought the activity of letting balloons off in honor of your loved one really made much since. But...tonight that's just what we did. We each wrote a note to Sam and then as a group let our balloons go. Emmet took this activity very seriously. I just had to write down what he wrote because it was really a window to his feelings, which he doesn't share too often. He wrote, "I love you dad. I wish you were here. I hope you will always love me. I will always love you. Love Emmet." It about broke my heart hearing him tell this to me so I could write it. He wanted to know his dad's favorite color so he could pick the right colored balloon. He told me he knows the balloon will pop before it gets to dad because there is no air in space!! I also wrote a short note and was surprised at what I would actually tell Sam if I could send him a letter. As a group we let our balloons go and it was fun to watch them fly away. I do believe that Sam is near and that he is very aware of me and my kids, but I had never written anything with a purpose like this before. I was touched by the activity.

Emmet's First Swim Meet

I put Emmet into swim team this year!! It's been so great for him. I have been nervous about it because if your child can't swim the 25 meters unassisted in 75 seconds they get cut. Well, Emmet was able to do it and in much less time--yeah!! He practices every morning from 8:40 to 9:10. The public pool is just down the street. I know Emmet loves it because he doesn't complain. That's how I know he likes things!! Today was his first meet. I truly don't care if he races, I just love the practices. He raced against other 5-6 year old boys. He took fifth and was so proud of himself. I am relieved it was a good experience. We were only there from 7:45 to 8:45 and Emery and I were sweating to death. I was really proud of him!!

Emery's Hair

I swear Emery's hair grew four inches over night. I'm quite envious of her hair actually. Emery kept fighting me and fighting me about combing her hair and washing it. When swim season started it just got worse, so I had my friend drastically cut her hair. It's been so great though. She lets me comb it, even blow dry it. She wakes up in the morning and asks for me to do her hair. I miss her long locks, so I think she'll probably have shorter hair in the summer (easier for swimming) and I'll let it grow long for the winter!



I love this picture it was taken at Easter! This was how long it had gotten.



Her cute little bob. (I'm not the best photographer.)



Here she is at her dance recital.

Our Trip to the Lone Star State

My youngest brother, Chance got married May 2 in the San Antonio Temple. I decided to make the trip a week long vacation. The kids and I flew into Austin, Texas to visit a dear friend of mine, Katie B. We lived in Maryland together while our husbands went to graduate school. Our oldest two are only weeks apart. We got off the plane in Austin without any problems on the plane until we were headed down the escalator to get our baggage. I don't know what prompted me to look at Emery's foot, but I realized it was stuck. She was wearing pink Crocs and holding my hand, she wasn't horsing around. I quickly tried yanking her foot and shoe out and couldn't, realizing we were almost at the bottom I got her foot out and picked her up. The Croc was stuck in the escalator. Each man passing by her stuck shoe tried yanking it out and eventually one man just wripped it out. The shoe was mangled. Emery was crying, she was scared and nothing happened to her foot, but I'm shocked her big toe was okay. I wanted to take a picture of the mangled shoe, but I lost it somewhere on the trip. Despite that rough start, we had such a great time just hanging out with Katie's family. Emery was in heaven. Katie has three girls and Emery loved playing with them. Emmet had fun, but spent most of his time on the computer watching You Tube...Yes he's addicted. The two nights we were there Katie and I watched Twilight in their theater room. I wish I had a room like that!!

Katie was sweet enough to drive us to San Antonio to meet up with my family after staying with her for two days. Staying with Katie made me miss all of my Maryland friends. I hate that we are all separated and went our different directions.

We met up with my family on Wednesday and Thursday we headed to Sea World. Yes there is a Sea World in San Antonio. We had a great time. It wasn't crowded at all. Emery did throw up all over her shirt right when we entered the park and I was worried the day was ruined, but she quickly perked up after that!

Chance and Angela were able to come with us!

Chance was sweet enough to take Emmet on this water ride twice. Emmet loved every minute. I was just thankful he was tall enough to ride it.


Angela's sister's friend of a friend works at Sea World with the Beluga whales. We were able to go back and pet the whales. It was amazing. I couldn't believe how squishy their heads are.
Of course no trip to San Antonio wouldn't be complete without going to the Alamo and touring the river walk. My kids had to get cowboy hats they were everywhere. I found that funny since we live in AZ!


Chance and Angela's wedding day was a lot of fun. Her colors were orange and green and thankfully Banana Republic had cute orange and green dresses this year! I hadn't been to a wedding in a long time and I loved the ceremony and I'm so excited to have Angela as a sister-in-law! Here are some of my favorite wedding pics! The reception was at a country club outside with long horn cattle in the background. It was beautiful and Emmet danced the night away! Emery kept telling me, "I love Angela" and I would say, "well tell my why?" Emery would answer with, "because she has a sparkly dress!"

Life Changing Items!

So recently two items have changed my life in a positive way!! First two of my sisters-in-laws made me these great flower clips for my birthday. I love them. They make my straight, boring, flat hair fun and somewhat stylish.


The second item I found whil walking through Wal-Mart with my brother Chris. We stumbled across a snow cone machine. I rarely impulse buy, but I did along with five syrups and snow cone cups. It was the best purchase I've made in a long time. The kids love them. They can actually do it themselves. There is no mess and no clean up. Often Emery just wants plain ice. It's already hit 100 degrees this week, so this is such a fun and easy treat for the summer. I just had to share. Plus my machine is red!